Hi, how are you?
Deviantart must be a place full of my apologies. It's been some hard years for me, but tried to keep it positive... and failed completely.
As many of you might have noticed, I stopped posting updates here a long time ago. From almost 10 years ago, my life turned into a completely different dimension. Lots of things happened that hit me physically and emotionally, but I never knew something was affecting my health as well. I started to work full time on my art on 2006, and I was in good shape, I started and finished projects quite easily, I learned fast and was improving a lot. My custom ponies were really well recieved and had lots of commissioned works in my hands to finish and I did finish them!
In 2007, I started going to a painting workshop. The first year was amazing, the teacher supported me and taught me lots of things I didn't know as I never took art classes before. But in 2008, something weird started to happen to me. I was tired, my ability to focus was not the same. I even talked about it with my teacher, and he told me that it was normal for an artist to feel unfocused, because we didn't always see the subject, but the surroundings. I thought it was normal, but then, I stopped going to this class with the excuse that I was making this project, with a big plywood plank, that I couldn't take with me as it was too heavy. And it was true, but I honestly was feeling heavy on my head, I was sleepy all the time, tired. And the hot weather of my city didn't help.
2008 came, I was slowing down, but I kept taking art commissions. Many bad things happened that year, I was emotionally exhausted as well as physically tired. I was painting and working at night, as it was fresh-er after 10 pm. So I worked from 10pm to 6am. And slept until 12pm in order to pick mom up from work and take her again at 5pm and pick her up at 9pm.
2009, everything started to go down the drain. I was in an emotionally draining relationship and I ended it. I had one friend telling me I wasn't the same I was before, that I lost all my cheer. There were lots of issues with many people, former friends included. Thankfully, I wasn't alone as I had some friends that were worried for me and didn't leave me alone even if I couldn't even get myself to the reunions.
2010. My dad starting to behave weird after a blackmailing phone call. It was stressful for all of us, but Mexico's issues with security were just climbing up. Dad was too worried for this that he just stood in bed all the time. We never knew that he was getting sick. By this time, I was just waking up, only to feel really tired, feeling I was walking with a heavy load on my back. She never told me, but I know mom was angry because I was sleeping all day, who wouldn't be? I tried to focus on personal projects, moving commissions to 2nd place, because I needed to finish something. My focus was completely lost by now, and self-doubt started coming. I was apparently getting depressed.
2011. Stuff happened. I decided to change my life bit by bit. I met my now husband this year. It was a blessing, to be loved and cared for without questions. But I was losing my dad and mom was too stressed and focused with work, and that we were acting weird, that he was always angry at us. I had some big fights with my father that year as I saw him going down the drain. All and all, but I got married in December to the most incredible man in the universe.
2012. I started to get dizzy out of nowhere. Apparently it was stress, but got to the doctor who ordered lab tests. Everything was fine, except my triglycerides. I was told to eat less, workout more and go to a counselor to talk my stress away. I started, it helped me lots. But even she told me she didn't quite know how to help me to start my life and be productive. To all the stress of not being able to produce anything, add the sadness of having a long distance relationship and feeling I was losing my father as he was changing so weirdly. He was my friend, my confident and now he was always angry at me. My friends at the riding club were a big support for me, I started taking photographs at practices and little by little, I was selling them. I also had great support from friends at a local convention.
2013-2014. I was now sleeping almost 15 hrs per day and still feeling tired. I gained weight, I was emotionally unstable, my hair was falling in chunks. I was traveling 1 or 2 times per year to visit hubby. Still having commissions to work with, from years ago, that I haven't forgot. But if I finished something, I wasn't able to work on anything else because I just couldn't get myself to make ideas a reality. Not like 8 years before.
2015. I finally am able to come to the USA to live with hubby. I got my first physical check up and got told I was hypothyroid. I asked what were the symptoms. And my physician at the time told me: Hair loss, weight gain, lack of energy and concentration. I thought it was everything I was feeling, so yay, I was getting treated.
2015-2016: After 1 year and a half on hypothyroid meds, I'm now getting used to what it was supposed to be normal. I wasn't normally tired, I was sick. In Mexico, apparently you don't get sent to the Endocrinologist office unless you can't lose weight or have more specific issues. I gained over 20 lbs from 2007 to 2015, so it wasn't that bad. But my lack of energy was weird. It was confused with depression, but never got meds for that thankfully. My new physician noticed something weird on my thyroid results, and he ordered a new lab test that had to be made if there's any suspicion about hypothyroidism. It wasn't made the first time I got tested, now it was and now I had new results showing I'm under the Hashimoto's thyroiditis range. Which means my thyroid is shutting down slowly. He immediately turned me to an Endo and here I am, with my dose raising little by little, feeling normal for the first time. Every dose increase is a new and exciting process as I get to feel what I never felt before. I feel healthy, less nervous, more focused although it's hard to wipe all the routine when I was feeling bad. I get tired, but it's normal tired. I'm sleeping much better and waking up without feeling I'm carrying a stone on my back and my head, handling stress in a much better way than before, I didn't notice I was losing my eyebrows as well until I saw my left eyebrow full of messy hairs that weren't there before, now I'm hoping I was supposed to have my mom's beautiful eyebrows but I guess I didn't inherit that. I'm happy not to be sleeping 15 hrs daily and still feel tired. I feel good.
I realized I was sick all my adult life so far and I dragged, unknowingly, my customers with me. I've tried to contact the biggest commissioners without much success. Only one wrote me back,and I'm eternally thankful for his understanding. I'm not a bad person, I just didn't know what was happening to me and it was scary, and really lonely times. My dad was also diagnosed with a disease for which there's no cure. It's a slow, scary process for all of us, not just for him, I'm happy I can still talk to him by the phone with him recognizing my voice, I cherish this so much as it's just matter of time for him not to hold the phone anymore. I'm being supported by my husband right now to get this business up again. I'm still open for anyone who I owe anything, I'm still going through my files to find info about commissions I didn't fulfill, but I lost lots of info thanks to malfunctions of my hard drive in Mexico. Many info and photos were lost
For all the inconveniences, I apologize. I'm starting from zero again, with little money of my own as I don't want to get my husband involved with my past problems. I thank you for your time, understanding and your patience. I'm still compromised with my clients and will hope to fulfill or return what was given for the commissions. Not all in one time as I don't have much on my own here, but whatever is possible until I get this in order.
I'm now starting again, eating well, getting myself to have the focus to workout and keep sharing what I love to do with all of you. I feel so sad this invisible illness affected more people than just me, I'm doing the best I can and following my doctor's orders so I won't fall again in this awful process of feeling like a heavy load for everyone again. I'm thankful for all the people who decided to stay by my side, even if I couldn't return the favor many times, I hold no grudge with anyone who decided to leave. It was something I didn't even know I had that was making me change. Mom apologized a few months ago for not knowing what was happening to me, this is no ones fault. I just need to understand this and move forward for a good future I now am sure I can build. Something I was sure I wasn't able to do anymore.
For your support, for your trust, thank you.
I'm here, trying to make things right. And hoping to make people smile with my art.
Thank you a million times.